I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just pee around me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
