My Higher Power is John Stamos
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
