The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
