what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
