Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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