Your tits are I can't wait for
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
