You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
