I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
