I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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