He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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