Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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