Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
