i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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