she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
