who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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