i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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