p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
