Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
