So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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