relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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