If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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