Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
