thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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