I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have aggressive nipples.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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