Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
