I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
