My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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