Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
