You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
