I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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