What a fucking waste of an outfit
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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