please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
