dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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