I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
