I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was like eating out sand paper
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
