Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She bit a glass in half.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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