STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
