i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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