I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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