i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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