you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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