then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
