My sheets look like a crime scene.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
