k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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