Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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