Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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