whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
