drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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