girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
