therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
