Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
