I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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