Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
