Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
