I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
