well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
