I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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