I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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