My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize