The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
operation harelip BJ is a go
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
