is your mom at the bar?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
