ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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