He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
