i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
