It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
pray to the hookup gods
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
