he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
