Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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