Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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