at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
