she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
