he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
