I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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