Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
