C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I could make wine with my vomit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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