peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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