to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
