She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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