Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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