i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
