We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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