My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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