My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
