If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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