He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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