I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
