R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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