How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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