omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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