What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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