I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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