I wish I could punch you in the face.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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