i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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