I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im holly from the hills drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
