She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
